But, says writer Stanley Fish, many couples of different faiths who decide to marry don’t know what they’re getting into. The study found that the rate of interfaith marriage in America is around 42%. Please keep your submissions to 150 words and include a daytime contact number so we can follow up with any queries.Jews are most likely to marry outside their religion, while Mormons are least likely, according to the results of a 2010 survey of interfaith marriage. What's a few more muttered words before digging into the turducken or tofurkey or whatever?Īre you in a sticky situation? Send your dilemmas to. You're already at their house eating, drinking and exchanging presents to commemorate the birth of the "deluded rabbi" they believe will vouchsafe their immortal souls after death. End by saying, "Thank you," not "Amen."Īs you intimate, it is indeed an honour to be asked, and doing it to be a good guest is the friction-free route. Each person at the table can decide for him/herself the origin and provenance of those blessings, whether divine or strictly human. I don't see why you couldn't do a perfectly acceptable spiritually neutral grace, like: "I'd like to give thanks for all these blessings and gifts" – then list them. If it provokes anything more – well, then, you've learned something.īut listen: If you're only mildly atheistic/agnostic, what the hell – why not say grace? Just say something like: "Listen, I'm honoured, but I'm an atheist, it's a strongly held belief for me, so I just don't think I'd feel comfortable."Īll that comment should provoke is an interesting conversation. And as the Bible (or it might have been Yogi Berra) says: "Be careful what you ask for." Then I think you are well within your rights to unpack your reasons for refraining.īe nice about it, natch. If they do go so far as to press you, or ask why you demur – well, then they're asking for it. Hopefully, your host and hostess will simply assume that it's some minor, peripheral concern – like you don't like being the centre of attention – and pass the baton to one of the other guests. "Oh, thank you, but I think someone else might do a better job." Something cryptic and charming (yet firm) would suffice, e.g. You don't have to make a big to-do about it, or even give a reason. If you are this brand of atheist, for God's sake, do politely decline to say grace. (On the historicity of Jesus, for example, the Hitch would concede only that "there may have been a charismatic, deluded rabbi wandering about at the time," spouting "unbelievably inane and inarticulate preachments.") There are those like the late, great Christopher Hitchens, who called himself an "antitheist," who felt religion is sheep-like group-think, has a pernicious effect on humanity and is holding back our progress as a species – and seemed personally offended by it. Now I understand there are different degrees and levels of passion among atheists.
We should thank G – I mean "our lucky stars" – we live in a modern liberal society wherein religious tolerance (and tolerance of the non-religious) is (more or less) freely practised. The point is: Let a thousand flowers bloom. Meanwhile, my wife, Pam, like you, is an atheist and believes it's just "lights out" when we die – but wanted our children baptized just in case. My Dad's the opposite: He attends church with clockwork regularity, lights candles and so forth, is friends with the pastor, but he says deep down he doesn't believe. I figure I'm honouring God by being nice to my family, His greatest gift to me. That hour and a half feels like a week! So on Sunday mornings you'll find me in the kitchen making my wife a Caesar and my kids bacon and eggs. But the churches near me now are too dry, dour and dull. Now those were fun and always left me feeling inspired. Too boring! When I lived in New York, I went to Baptist services in Harlem.
Me, I believe in God, but never go to church. These days, many of us observe, or not, in a myriad different, sometimes seemingly contradictory ways. I think it hardly matters what you do: You're going to hell either way.
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